Loneliness

What is loneliness

Loneliness or being lonely is about not feeling connected to others. You can feel lonely in a room full of people. The truth is, you can feel lonely anywhere, anytime. You may feel like you’re the only one, but the truth is that lots of people struggle with shyness and social insecurity. Human beings are social creatures. Having friends makes us happier and healthier—in fact, being socially connected is key to your mental and emotional health. Yet many of us are shy and socially introverted. We feel awkward around unfamiliar people, unsure of what to say, or worried about what others might think of us. This can cause us to avoid social situations, cut ourselves off from others, and gradually become isolated and lonely.

Connections with others are important for your health. Loneliness not only feels bad, it may also be harmful to your health. People who feel lonely are at higher risk of many diseases. These include heart disease, high blood pressure, and Alzheimer’s disease. Loneliness may also increase the risk of death for older adults. Some of the increased risk of disease may come from changes in your behavior. People who feel isolated may not have friends or family encouraging them to eat right, exercise, or see a doctor. New research ¹ suggests that loneliness can also directly harm your health. Lonely people have differences in their biology that make them more vulnerable to disease. Scientists found that loneliness may alter the tendency of cells in the immune system to promote inflammation ². Inflammation is necessary to help your body heal from injury. But when it goes on too long, it may raise the risk of chronic diseases. People who feel lonely may also have weakened immune cells that have trouble fighting off viruses. So that leaves lonely people more vulnerable to a variety of infectious diseases.

People often associate loneliness with getting older. But loneliness is a common problem among people of all ages and backgrounds, and yet it’s something that most of us hesitate to admit. Many Americans report feeling lonely for long periods of time. A recent survey of the nation’s relationships reveals that one in ten of people has no close friends. Another recent survey found that young Americans are more likely to feel lonely than older adults. Some research suggests that social media tools and resources are preventing younger people from connecting in real life. However, more studies are needed to know whether this is true. But loneliness is nothing to feel ashamed about. Sometimes, it’s a result of external circumstances: you’ve moved to a new area, for example. In such cases, there are lots of steps you can take to meet new people and turn acquaintances into friends.

Being lonely affects you in lots of ways. Loneliness can reduce your confidence, make you feel less optimistic, even make it harder to identify with others. Loneliness can feel like a self-fulfilling prophecy – the longer you go without friends, the harder it can be to make new ones.

It can be hard for people to talk about loneliness. You may feel like something is wrong with you, even though feeling lonely happens to almost everyone at some point. Studies have shown that feelings of loneliness can be reduced by helping others. Caregiving and volunteering to help others may therefore help people to feel less lonely.

Having a sense of purpose in life may be another way to fight the effects of loneliness. Research has found that having a strong sense of mission in life is linked to healthier immune cells. And when you start to pursue a goal that’s important to you, you almost always have to cooperate with others to do that. That helps bring people together. Feeling like you’re part of a community helps you thrive.

No matter how awkward or nervous you feel in the company of others, you can learn to silence self-critical thoughts, boost your self-esteem, and become more confident in your interactions with others. You don’t have to change your personality, but by learning new skills and adopting a different outlook you can overcome your fears and build rewarding friendships.

Why do I feel lonely or isolated?

You can feel lonely or isolated for many reasons even when other people are around you. Some reasons you might feel lonely or isolated include:

Living alone
Lacking close family around you
Losing your friends, a spouse, or your partner
Going through a divorce or break up
Retiring from work or changing schools or jobs
Living away from home for the first time
Being unemployed
Feeling shy
Feeling worried or stressed
Finding it difficult to meet new people
Having a language or cultural barrier
Being away from your culture of origin
Being bullied
Feeling unsure about your sexuality
Having a mental health problem, such as depression, anxiety or bipolar. A lot of mental illnesses like bipolar, anxiety and depression can all make people feel very lonely. Mental illness can make you anxious about seeing others, so you might spend more time indoors. Or it can lead to insomnia, which in turn can make you tired, irritable and lonely.
Physical disability. A range of physical disabilities, from hearing loss to blindness, can often make people feel as though there is no one around them that cares. These feelings can get even worse if people in public are unkind or rude, and facing daily discrimination can make loneliness even harder to bear.
Racism. People who encounter racism say that being discriminated against can make them feel alone, and can make it harder for them to form real connections. Racism takes a lot of forms, all of them hurtful, so sometimes even a ‘minor’ or ‘casual’ act of racism can have big impacts on someone’s self-esteem.
Technology. Ever felt like even though all your friends are one tap of a button away, you’re still not really connected to them? Don’t worry: this is a very common feeling. Even though the internet can bring us closer, it can also make us feel like we’re not really talking to our friends, and can leave us feeling lost and alone.

When do people feel lonely?

Loneliness can hit anyone at any time. Sometimes you might not even feel lonely for an obvious reason, and what you’re experiencing could always be connected to other things like depression or anxiety.

But it’s true that a lot of people tend to feel lonely during big life events. Maybe you’re moving house. Maybe your parents are getting separated. Maybe you’re going from primary school into high school. Or maybe you just feel like you’ve outgrown your friendship group, or that they’re starting to get into things that don’t really interest you.

All of these things could be making you feel lonely and lost, and you might find it hard to connect with people around you.

Can you die from loneliness?

No. But feeling alone or socially isolated for a long time can be harmful to your health. You might experience physical or mental problems or do things that are bad for you.

physical symptoms – such as headaches, feeling ill, having pains, feeling tired, having sleep problems or lacking motivation
mental health conditions – such as depression, feeling anxious, having panic attacks or feeling paranoid
low energy – feeling tired or not having motivation
sleep problems – not being able to get to sleep, stay asleep or waking up a lot
diet problems – such as putting on weight, losing weight or losing your appetite
negative feelings – such as feeling worthless or hopeless or thinking about suicide
substance abuse – such drinking a lot of alcohol, misusing medicines or taking drugs.

How to deal with loneliness

So what should you do if you’re lonely and don’t have any close friends but want to make some? It can be a daunting prospect. If you’re finding it difficult, you might find the following tips useful.

You can combat loneliness and isolation and improve your life by:

connecting with family and friends – visit, phone, email or use video technology
connect with communities online – join a game where you can chat to people
getting out of the house – go shopping, exercise, join a club or enroll to study
volunteering – meet new people to feel connected and valued
getting a pet – pets are great conversation starters. They can improve your physical and mental health.

Get Active with Exercise

Engaging in social and productive activities you enjoy, like walking, jogging, cycling, taking an art class or becoming a volunteer in your community, may help to maintain your well-being.

Research tells us that people with an active lifestyle:

Are less likely to develop certain diseases. Participating in hobbies and other social and leisure pursuits may lower risk for developing some health problems, including dementia.
Have a longer lifespan. One study showed that older adults who reported taking part in social activities (such as playing games, belonging to social groups, or traveling) or meaningful, productive activities (such as having a paid or unpaid job, or gardening) lived longer than people who did not. Researchers are further exploring this connection.
Are happier and less depressed. Studies suggest that older adults who participate in what they believe are meaningful activities, like volunteering in their communities, say they feel happier and healthier. One study placed older adults from an urban community in their neighborhood public elementary schools to tutor children 15 hours a week. Volunteers reported personal satisfaction from the experience. The researchers found it improved the volunteers’ cognitive and physical health, as well as the children’s school success. Researchers think it might also have long-term benefits, lowering the older adults’ risk of developing disability, dependency, and dementia in later life.
Are better prepared to cope with loss. Studies suggest that volunteering can help with stress and depression from the death of a spouse or other loved one. Among people who experienced a loss, those who took part in volunteer activities felt more positive about their own abilities (reported greater self-efficacy).
May be able to improve their thinking abilities. Another line of research is exploring how participating in creative arts might help people age well. For example, studies have shown that older adults’ memory, comprehension, creativity, and problem-solving abilities improved after an intensive, 4-week (8-session) acting course. Other studies are providing new information about ways that creative activities like music or dance can help older adults.

Be Physically Active

Garden or do yard work
Take an exercise class or do exercises at home
Go dancing
Join a sports club
Walk or bicycle with a friend or neighbor
Take a swimming class
Play with a pet. Consider getting a pet – pets are wonderful companions and can provide comfort and support during times of stress, ill-health or isolation.

Activities to Consider

Would you like to get more involved in your community or be more socially active? There are plenty of places to look for opportunities, depending on your interests. Here are some ideas:

Get Out and About

Visit a retirement center and take part in its events and activities
Play cards or other games with friends
Go to the theater, a movie, or a sporting event
Travel with a group
Visit friends and family
Try different restaurants
Join a group interested in a hobby like knitting, hiking, birdwatching, painting, or wood carving
Reconnect with old friends through your high school or college alumni association
Visit local museums. Many offer free group tours.

Learn Something New

Take a cooking, art, dance, language, or computer class. Get in touch with your local community college.
Form or join a book or film club
Try yoga, tai chi, or another new physical activity
Learn (or relearn) how to play a musical instrument

Become More Active in Your Community

Serve meals or organize clothing donations for people in need
Help an organization send care packages to soldiers stationed overseas
Care for dogs and cats at an animal shelter
Volunteer to run errands for people with disabilities
Join a committee or volunteer for an activity at your place of worship
Volunteer at a school, library, museum, or hospital
Help with gardening at a community garden or park
Organize a park clean-up through your local recreation center or community association
Sing in a community choral group, or play in a local band or orchestra
Take part in a local theater troupe
Get a part-time job
Rediscover a favorite childhood pastime or teach it to a new generation—embroidery, photography, building models, chess, baking, woodworking, calligraphy, or quilting.

Remember—participating in activities you enjoy should be fun, not stressful.

Get to know yourself first

Have a good think about what it is you find difficult about making friends and how you might go about addressing it. It may be that you don’t feel confident enough to approach new people. You may worry that you aren’t likeable enough. Or it may have been so long since you made a friend that you simply can’t remember how to do it. Knowing what you need to work on gives you a focus – and can help you to understand your current situation better. If you’re finding things tricky, counseling works for single people too. Your counselor can help you identify any emotional patterns or habits and help you think about how to change them.

Put yourself in new situations

If you don’t have many friends at work and spend most of your free time at home, it can feel like you never have a chance to meet anyone new. But sometimes you have to create your own opportunities. Although it’s a cliche, clubs or social groups are great places to meet others with similar interests to your own. Sites like Meetup, Badoo and even Facebook all list events where people can socialize. Volunteering, too, can be a great way of meeting new people while doing something fulfilling.

Practice

Although it may sound a little clinical, making friends requires a set of skills that you can develop over time. It may take a few attempts before you’re able to get over the awkwardness of striking up a conversation with someone you haven’t met before or holding small talk in an unfamiliar situation. But be patient with yourself and give it time. Before you know it, your confidence will begin to grow.

Reconnect with old friends

It’s not just about making new friends! Think about whether there’s anyone you used to see more regularly that it would be nice to reconnect with. We sometimes assume that, because they haven’t been in contact, old friends won’t be interested to hear from us – but they may be assuming the same thing about you! If there’s someone you’d like to catch up with, why not drop them a line?

Be persistent

Making new friends can be tricky and you can’t necessarily expect results really fast. If you need a break, take one. But don’t let setbacks put you off. Instead of focusing on having immediate success, try to enjoy the process. See building up your confidence and getting involved in new things as an end in itself. Our social circles tend to evolve organically when we provide the right environment.

Seek help

Sometimes you can still feel cut off from the world even if there are people close to you that you can talk to. It’s easy to forget to reach out and ask for help when you need it.

Living alone might make you feel isolated, but never forget that there are always people available to talk with you. You could always chat to a family member, a friend or online friends – or, if you’re really feeling stuck, you could head here.

The people at Lifeline will talk you through getting help, and can help you feel less alone. And best of all, Lifeline is accessible to everyone – no matter where you live.

Get help now:

Call your local emergency number immediately.
Call a suicide hotline number.
- In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255. Use that same number and press “1” to reach the Veterans Crisis Line. Or call the National Hopeline Network at 1-800-784-2433
- In the UK and Ireland – call the Samaritans at 116-123
- In Australia – call Lifeline Australia at 13-11-14
- In other countries – Visit International Association for Suicide Prevention at http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres or Suicide.org to find a helpline in your country at http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html.

These free helplines are there to help when you’re feeling down or desperate.

They’re open 24 hours a day, every day.

Finding a therapist in the U.S.

American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) provides information about Marriage and Family Therapists (https://www.aamft.org/), as well as a Therapist Locator national database of qualified therapists.
American Psychological Association (APA) provides a Psychologist Locator (https://locator.apa.org/) to find a psychologist in your area.
American Psychoanalytic Association (APsaA) provides a member directory (http://www.apsa.org/find-an-analyst) for finding an analyst, by city and state.

Finding a therapist in other countries

In the UK, Relate (https://www.relate.org.uk/find-your-nearest-relate) offers relationship and family counseling; or you can Find NHS Psychological Therapy Services in your local area (https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search).
In Australia, Lifeline’s Service Finder (https://www.lifeline.org.au/) offers a directory of low-cost mental health services; or you can Find an Australian Psychological Society Psychologist (https://www.psychology.org.au/Find-a-Psychologist) or Find a Mental Health Practitioner (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional).
In Canada, Search for a Psychologist (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists) or Search for a Marriage or Family Therapist by clicking on “Search Canada” (https://www.therapistlocator.net/Default.aspx).

How to cure loneliness

There’s no one single way to fight loneliness: if there was, everybody would be using it! But that doesn’t mean that loneliness is impossible to beat, or that if you’re feeling it now you will be forever. Here are a few quick points that cover some of the ways you can start feeling more at peace with the people in your life.

Tackling your social insecurity and fear

When it comes to shyness and social awkwardness, the things you tell yourself make a huge difference. Here are some common thinking patterns that can undermine your confidence and fuel social insecurity:

Believing that you’re boring, unlikeable, or weird.
Believing that other people are evaluating and judging you in social situations.
Believing that you’ll be rejected and criticized if you make a social mistake.
Believing that being rejected or socially embarrassed would be awful and devastating.
Believing that what others think about you defines who you are.

If you believe these things, it’s no wonder social situations seem terrifying! But the truth is never quite so black-and-white.

People aren’t thinking about you—at least not to the degree that you think. Most people are caught up in their own lives and concerns. Just like you’re thinking about yourself and your own social concerns, other people are thinking about themselves. They’re not spending their free time judging you. So stop wasting time worrying about what others think of you.

Many other people feel just as awkward and nervous as you do. When you’re socially anxious, it can seem as though everyone else is an extrovert brimming with self-confidence. But that’s not the case. Some people are better at hiding it than others, but there are many introverted people out there struggling with the same self-doubts as you are. The next person you speak to is just as likely to be worried about what you think of them!

People are much more tolerant than you think. In your mind, the very idea of doing or saying something embarrassing in public is horrifying. You’re sure that everyone will judge you. But in reality, it’s very unlikely that people are going to make a big deal over a social faux pas. Everyone has done it at some point so most will just ignore it and move on.

Learning to accept yourself

When you start realizing that people are NOT scrutinizing and judging your every word and deed, you’ll automatically feel less nervous socially. But that still leaves the way you feel about yourself. All too often, we’re our own worst critics. We’re hard on ourselves in a way we’d never be to strangers—let alone the people we care about.

Learning to accept yourself doesn’t happen overnight—it requires changing your thinking.

You don’t have to be perfect to be liked. In fact, our imperfections and quirks can be endearing. Even our weaknesses can bring us closer to others. When someone is honest and open about their vulnerabilities, it’s a bonding experience—especially if they’re able to laugh at themselves. If you can cheerfully accept your awkwardness and imperfections, you’ll likely find that others will, too. They may even like you better for it!

It’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes; it’s part of being human. So give yourself a break when you mess up. Your value doesn’t come from being perfect. If you find self-compassion difficult, try to look at your own mistakes as you would those of a friend. What would you tell your friend? Now follow your own advice.

Your negative self-evaluations don’t necessarily reflect reality. In fact, they probably don’t, especially if you:

Call yourself names, such as “pathetic,” “worthless,” “stupid,” etc.
Beat yourself up with all the things you “should” or “shouldn’t” have done.
Make sweeping generalizations based on a specific event. For example, if something didn’t go as planned, you tell yourself that you’ll never get things right, you’re a failure, or you always screw up.

When you’re thinking such distorted thoughts, it’s important to pause and consciously challenge them. Pretend you’re an impartial third-party observer, then ask yourself if there are other ways of viewing the situation.

Talk yourself up

The way you talk to yourself can really impact your confidence. The effect can be good or bad depending on whether your self-talk is positive or negative. We’ve got a few ways you can improve your self-talk below.

What is self-talk?

Even though you might not know it, you’re already practising self-talk.

Self-talk is basically your inner voice, the voice in your mind that says the things you don’t necessarily say out loud. We often don’t even realise that this running commentary is going on in the background, but our self-talk can have a big influence on how we feel about who we are.

The difference between positive and negative self-talk

Positive self-talk makes you feel good about yourself and the things that are going on in your life. It’s like having an optimistic voice in your head that always looks on the bright side.

Examples: ‘I am doing the best I can’, ‘I can totally make it through this exam’, ‘I don’t feel great right now, but things could be worse’

Negative self-talk makes you feel pretty crappy about yourself and the things that are going on. It can put a downer on anything, even something good.

Examples: ‘I should be doing better’, ‘Everyone thinks I’m an idiot’, ‘Everything’s crap’, ‘Nothing’s ever going to get better.’

Negative self-talk tends to make people pretty miserable and can even impact on their recovery from mental health difficulties. But it’s not possible, or helpful, to be positive all the time, either. So, how can you make your self-talk work for you?

Why should I practise?

The more you work on improving your self-talk, the easier you’ll find it. It’s kind of like practising an instrument or going to sports training: it won’t be easy to start with, but you’ll get better with time.

It might not seem like much, but self-talk is a huge part of our self-esteem and confidence. By working on replacing negative self-talk with more positive self-talk, you’re more likely to feel in control of stuff that’s going on in your life and to achieve your goals.

Feel better about yourself

Self-confidence is when you believe in yourself and your abilities. It sounds simple, but it can be a tough thing to build up. And of course there’s the fact that dealing with mental health issues can affect how you feel about yourself. If you find yourself struggling with these tips, it’s a good idea to seek help from a mental health professional.

1. Look at what you’ve already achieved

Make a list of all the things you’re proud of in your life, which might be getting a good mark on a recent exam, or learning to surf, or some other achievement. Celebrate your successes, whether big or small. Keep your list close by and add to it whenever you do something you’re proud of.

When you’re low in confidence, pull out the list and use it to remind yourself of all the awesome stuff you’ve done. Remember: your achievements are unique to you. Try not to compare your achievements with other people’s.

2. Think of things you’re good at

Everyone has strengths and talents. What are yours? Write a list. Recognising what you’re good at, and trying to build on those things, will help you to build confidence in your abilities. Ask other people what they think you’re good at, and add those strengths and talents to your list.

3. Set some goals

Set some goals, and then work out the steps you need to take to achieve them. They don’t have to be big goals. Just aim initially for small achievements that you can tick off a list to help you gain confidence in your ability to get stuff done. They can even be things like baking a cake or planning a night out with friends.

4. Talk yourself up

You’re never going to feel confident if you have negative commentary running through your mind telling you that you’re no good. Think about your self-talk, and about how that might be affecting your self-confidence. Treat yourself like you would your best friend and cheer yourself on.

5. Get a hobby

Try to find something that you’re really passionate about. It could be photography, sport, cooking or anything else! When you’ve worked out what your passion is, commit yourself to spending time giving it a go. Chances are, if you’re interested or passionate about a certain activity, you’ll be motivated and will build skills more quickly.

Building your social skills one step at a time

Improving social skills requires practice. Just as you wouldn’t expect to become good on the guitar without some effort, don’t expect to become comfortable socially without putting in the time. That said, you can start small. Take baby steps towards being more confident and social, then build on those successes.

Smile at someone you pass on the street.
Compliment someone you encounter during your day.
Ask someone a casual question (at a restaurant, for example: “Have you been here before? How’s the steak?”)
Start a conversation with a friendly cashier, receptionist, waiter, or salesperson.

How to face your biggest social fears

When it comes to the things that really scare us, you want to face your fears in a gradual way, starting with situations that are slightly stressful and building up to more anxiety-provoking scenarios. Think of it as a stepladder, with each rung a little more stressful than the last. Don’t move on to the next step until you’ve had a positive experience with the step below. For example, if talking to new people at parties makes you extremely anxious, here is a stepladder you could use:

Go to a party and smile at a few people.
Go to a party and ask a simple question (e.g. “Do you know what time it is?”). Once they’ve answered, politely thank them and then excuse yourself. The key is to make the interaction short and sweet.
Ask a friend to introduce you to someone at the party and help facilitate a short conversation.
Pick someone at the party who seems friendly and approachable. Introduce yourself.
Identify a non-intimidating group of people at the party and approach them. You don’t need to make a big entrance. Just join the group and listen to the conversation. Make a comment or two if you’d like, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Join another friendly, approachable group. This time, try to participate a bit more in the conversation.

Get involved with others

Being active and connecting with your neighbors in your community and helping others can reduce your feelings of loneliness and is a great way of keeping yourself occupied.

Lots of communities have programs set up to keep people connected. Options include sporting groups, choirs, bushwalking groups, and many others. Google, or ask around, to find out what’s available. You’re bound to find something that appeals to you.

Try to keep an open mind and sign up for an activity that will test you a little bit. You’ve never thought of yourself as a painter? Try signing up for a painting workshop anyway. You never know what you’re capable of until you try.

You can get more involved with others by:

serving meals or organizing clothing donations for people in need.
helping an organization send care packages to soldiers stationed overseas.
caring for dogs and cats at an animal shelter.
volunteering to run errands for people with disabilities.
helping with gardening at a community garden or park.
volunteering at a school, library, museum, or hospital.

Build your self-confidence

Confidence can be a tough thing to build up. We’ve put together some handy tips to help you out. If you’re still having a hard time even after trying these self-help ideas, don’t worry!

What is a confident person?

Not everyone is born with an inbuilt sense of self-confidence. Sometimes it can be hard to develop confidence, either because personal experiences have caused you to lose confidence or because you suffer from low self-esteem.

A confident person:

does what they believe is right, even if it’s unpopular is willing to take risks admits their mistakes and learns from them is able to accept a compliment is optimistic.

Tips for building self-confidence

There are a number of things you can do to build your confidence. Some of them are just small changes to your frame of mind; others you’ll have to work on for a bit longer to make them familiar habits.

1. Look at what you’ve already achieved

It’s easy to lose confidence if you believe you haven’t achieved anything. Make a list of all the things you’re proud of in your life, whether it’s getting a good mark on an exam or learning to surf. Keep the list close by and add to it whenever you do something you’re proud of. When you’re low in confidence, pull out the list and use it to remind yourself of all the awesome stuff you’ve done.

2. Think of things you’re good at

Everyone has strengths and talents. What are yours? Recognizing what you’re good at, and trying to build on those things, will help you to build confidence in your own abilities.

3. Set some goals

Set some goals and set out the steps you need to take to achieve them. They don’t have to be big goals; they can even be things like baking a cake or planning a night out with friends. Just aim for some small achievements that you can tick off a list to help you gain confidence in your ability to get stuff done.

4. Talk yourself up

You’re never going to feel confident if you have negative commentary running through your mind telling you that you’re no good. Think about your self-talk and how that might be affecting your self-confidence. Treat yourself like you would your best friend and cheer yourself on.

5. Get a hobby

Try to find something that you’re really passionate about. It could be photography, sport, knitting or anything else! When you’ve worked out your passion, commit yourself to giving it a go. Chances are, if you’re interested or passionate about a certain activity, you’re more likely to be motivated and you’ll build skills more quickly.

More tips for developing self confidence:

Fake it til you make it. Acting as if you’re confident can make you feel more confident.
Focus externally, not internally. Instead of worrying about how you’re coming across or what you’re going to say, switch your focus from yourself to the other person. You’ll live more in the moment and you’ll feel less self-conscious.
Laugh at yourself. If you do something embarrassing, use humor to put things in perspective. Laugh, learn, and move on.
Do things to help others or brighten another person’s day. It can be something as small as a compliment or smile. When you spread positivity, you’ll feel better about yourself.

If you’re not feeling better

Sometimes the quick fixes don’t help in the long term. If you’re feeling bad and things just don’t seem to be improving, it’s worth talking to someone who knows how to help. Professionals such as counselors and psychologists can help you develop strategies to help you build up your confidence. They may also be able to help you understand any underlying problems that might be causing you to feel bad about yourself.

10 things you can do to overcome loneliness

Are you shy and self-conscious in social situations? Do you feel isolated and lonely, but unsure how to connect with others? You sometimes have a hard time making and keeping the relationships that sustain you.

Here is a guide to help you feel more connected to those around you.

1. Start small

The best way out of a loneliness vortex is to start small with some simple social interactions. Try making small talk with the cashier at the supermarket or sending a text to a friend. Yep, it might feel super awkward at first, but these small interactions can help you feel less alone and isolated.

2. Hang out with like-minded people

What are you into: video games, music, books? Joining a club is an awesome way to meet and connect with like-minded people.

Your school or your local community center might run different clubs, so check out if there’s something there that’s right for you.

Another option is Meetup. It brings together people who enjoy similar things or activities, whether that be fitness, photography, tech or pretty much anything. And it’s free!

3. Get active

Exercise is great for keeping you less stressed and it may be a way to meet new people.

The good thing about sport is that it’s regular – so it might take a while but you can build up relationships over time and there’s not as much pressure. You could join an exercise class, take up a competitive sport or head to your local gym. Or, if you have a friend that’s interested, consider asking them to meet up for a walk or run.

4. Get online

Talking to people online is a great way to battle loneliness, as it allows you to stay in a comfortable, safe space (such as your own room) and still make contact with the outside world. While sometimes it can be a mission to dodge the trolls and haters, a little searching should uncover an online haven filled with your kind of people.

5. Schedule in something social

Sometimes when you’re in a loneliness spiral, you might start turning down opportunities to socialize, without even realizing it. Try to challenge yourself to get out and socialize at least once a week. Make a note in your diary of at least one regular weekly social activity, and plan your time so that you don’t forget it.

6. Take yourself out on a date

Don’t feel comfortable asking someone out for a hang? That’s cool. Grab a good book, the morning crossword, a sports mag or even just your Reddit feed and head to a local spot. You don’t have to get too creative, just find somewhere you’re comfortable chilling out for an hour. It might be a local cafe, a dog park, a gallery or the nearest beach. The first few times flying solo can feel a little awkward. You might even worry that people are judging you – but we promise they’re not. A regular hang spot can also help you to meet new people. If you hit up the same place often enough, you’ll start to notice some familiar faces, and might even make a few mates.

7. Write it down

Writing is a great way to battle loneliness, as it helps you to clarify your thoughts, process your emotions and get to know yourself better. Your journal can become like a best friend: it’s a ‘safe place’ for letting everything out, and it’s always going to be there for you.

But you don’t just have to stick to journal writing – writing a poem, a short story or even some song lyrics can also be a great way to deal with feelings of isolation. You could try a journaling app such as Day One.

8. Hang out with some dogs

Animals are great at making us feel connected and cared for. Dogs in particular can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression and ease loneliness. If you’re not ready for the responsibility of owning a pet, you could always get into pet minding.

Ask your neighbors and friends: they might have a dog you could take for a walk occasionally, or a cat you could come over to visit and pet. Or, if all else fails, head to a dog park!

9. Put on your volunteer hat

When you’re feeling isolated, volunteering helps to get you out into the world, connects you with the community and, by keeping you busy, helps take your mind off your own problems. There are stacks of charities in your local area that will be looking for volunteers. Try local nursing homes, childcare centers, or animal shelters.

10. Get some help

If you’ve tried a couple of these steps and are still feeling disconnected, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. If you need it, your family physician can set you up with a mental health plan that will enable you to access counseling or to visit a psychologist. Don’t be afraid to get the support you need.

Don’t forget, stacks of people have times where they feel a sense of loneliness, so you’ll never be alone in feeling lonely. Taking even just a few of the steps above can help reduce your isolation and should help you start to feel better.